You see moms with their children everywhere — at the park, the grocery store, out for walks — all over the place, right? So why is it that I feel as though when I’m one of those moms at the park, or library story time, that I’m the odd one out? It seems as though when you become a mother, the making-friends scene gets tricky. Women need friendships in their lives, so what is it that makes finding down-to-earth mom-friends so difficult?
I’ve noticed age can be a factor in creating a distance between moms (not always, but often times it seems to be this way). I sometimes feel as though the thirty-something moms don’t approach me since I look SO young (being 4’10 definitely has its disadvantages). There’s also differences in parenting strategies and children’s ages that can deter moms from becoming friends. Or maybe that new mom at the park is tired from round the clock feedings and is perceived as grumpy. Or maybe, they’re just like I am and a little apprehensive to walk up to a group of strangers and strike up a conversation. These are all things I wonder when I feel like the odd mom out.
Have you had troubles making “mom friends” since you became a mother? Or have you been successful in cultivating new friendships? Share your experiences with us!
I’m old and fat instead of young looking and thin like I was starting out in my early 20′s, but it’s still hard to make friends with other mothers. I just don’t really have any interests in common with the vast majority and having kids the same age really isn’t enough social glue for bonding. In fact, it’s a major obstacle, because parenting styles differ, etc. Just when I think I’ve got something in common with another mom, I find out it isn’t going to work. I probably won’t have any friends until the kids are older and I’m working. That’s pretty much it for me in a nutshell, I’m afraid.
I think it’s hard to make other mom friends because, sadly, there is still so much judgment and so many recriminations about the right way to be a mother. Some moms who stay at home think every mom should stay at home. Some moms who work think every mom should work. It would be a lot easier if people could realize that with many issues–co-sleeping, working, circumcision, breastfeeding, there isn’t one right choice, and choices can change for a family and still be right or, at least, good. I’ve kind of given up on making mom friends because I don’t want to be judged. I just think that being a mom, while important is only one part of my identify, and I don’t want it to swallow who I am. (And, of course, some would say that this statement makes me “a bad mom.”)
I completely agree, and I find that’s a huge part of it too! {F}